Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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