Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
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100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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