This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
