I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
