My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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