I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
