Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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