I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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