just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
