i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.