chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.