is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.