At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?