she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize