Non-Jews are for practice
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
