if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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