Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
