tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
that may or may not have been my penis.
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