If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
where are my eyebrows?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
