bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
