Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
