my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
