I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
