The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
