I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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