i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The adults are the big ones right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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