I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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