Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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