I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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