VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
