Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
