I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
