I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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