pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
