they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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