im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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