life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed