What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life