After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?