You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
