Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
