my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
