Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just want nice things and good sex
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
