i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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