i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
