she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
