well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
