so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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