I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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