He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't turn off my feet"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
