apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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