So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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