i was born a porn star she said
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
