you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize