Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
