I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
