dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
