Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize