Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
