Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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