theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
