remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
