well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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