So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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