Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Come see our sink grown plant.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
