I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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