You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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