if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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